You're never fully dressed without a smile

I had to do what I felt was one of the hardest things yesterday, and looking back now it seems almost farcical that I would have been scared or even worried.

All I had to do was walk out of an appointment except this time without any coverings to my head through a waiting room rammed full of people. No biggy really is it...

I was absolutely terrified!!!!

Already dreading the stares, assumptions, folk looking at me, my fresh scars on show, wider through multiple surgeries, my shaved head...

For the first time in a long time I felt physically sick and terrified about what strangers would think of me... bloody strangers... people I would never meet or see again... my eyes are rolling and my head is in hand looking back.

But wasn't I making assumptions about them? Those in the Waiting Room? Assuming they would stare at me or let alone even notice me leaving?

It didn't even cross my mind at the time that for some people in that room at that very same time could have been there for far worse or perhaps have heard far more dreadful news or sat worried and assuming people would be staring at them?

I of course left and walked tall(ish) and confidently, looking straight ahead and as they say you are never fully dressed without a smile.

Sadly at the moment I do find it really difficult to accept the way I look. My 'repair mode' is still pretty fresh from recent surgeries. I forget at times that my hair will grow and my scars will heal again and that my husband makes me feel beautiful every single day.

Sometimes that's all we really need isn't it, to breathe and just give yourself some clarity to sometimes try to accept what we cannot change and to process what will change with time.

Allowing myself to break these (what may seem small) insecurities down to manageable bite size pieces perhaps enables me to process them better when the insecurity fairy pops up and taps me on the shoulder.

Every single person you know and these strangers we may make assumptions about have insecurities, some physical, some hidden, some on show but isn't it these 'things' ,what ever they may be, that make us the incredible individuals that we are?

I'm fairly certain I am no weirdo to have a 'moment' about my own insecurities and in time I am going to own them in their entirety.

I shouldn't keep hiding and feeling ashamed of what I should be proud of 💋

#mybraintumourjourney #braintumourawareness #craniotomy #cranioplasty #craniectomy #BrainTumorThursday #meningioma #recovery